Why Grub Hoe?

My good friend Denise set up this Blog for me to catalog my stories. She asked what we should name it. I said “Grub Hoe.” She responded “Say What?”

Well I had an Internet adventure finding and buying a ” Grub Hoe” and concluded that no one, I mean no one would ever use that as a moniker.

It all began with my ditch digging project. I borrowed a tool from my cousin which must have originated from my Uncle Al’s Junk Yard or as my Aunt Helen referred to it as “The Certified Recycling Center.” This was an odd shaped garden tool. It had a heavy blade on one side like a hoe but much stronger; sort of like a mattock without the pick on the other end.

I believe it is one of the oldest farming implements in the world. In depictions of ancient Egypt to the background photos on TV newscasts in third world countries the peasant farmers are out there tending their crops using a “Grub Hoe.” I returned the original to my cousin, Jim, and began my quest. Neither of us knew what the tool was called but I started to search the back aisles of every country hardware store, farmer’s supply and antique fair. After a year, I started scanning the Internet. I think I use the Internet a little more each day for work and pleasure but will always consider myself a neophyte. Well I finally discovered that the tool was called a “Grub Hoe”. I have to admit that when I googled “Hoe” I was directed to several porn sites!

In any event now that I had identified the tool my search was on to buy one on the Internet. This was the saga of bronze age tool collides with modern technology. After typing in “Grub Hoe” I got an E-Bay site where some entrepreneur had found eleven grub hoe blades in an abandoned Chicago warehouse. They were only $7 a piece so what the hell, I might as well buy two in case I wear one out, and save on the shipping. These things do not wear out. I now believe that the Egyptians are still using the original grub hoes depicted in drawings found in the valley of the kings and only replace the handles from time to time. It took me more than an hour to complete my first Internet purchase via MasterCard and PayPal.

Now I needed handles. Back to the computer, I found a landscaping supply house that had handles at $20 apiece plus shipping. I ordered two ( of course) and it only took a half hour to finalize the money deal. Am I getting good at this or what ? When the handles arrived several weeks after the grub hoe blades they didn’t quite fit. I went down to the workshop to file, hammer and saw until the handle fit snugly.

But I wasn’t finished. I went back to the Internet to find a longer and better handle. Aha, what I wanted was only $10 and $7 shipping. Now I am on a roll, purchase completed in 15 minutes. Handle arrives but it is designed for a completely different type of grub hoe, yes there is more than one type. Oh shucks, but there is a return policy. Yes, you pay the shipping and a modest restocking charge. With the shipping exceeding the refund, I decide to keep the handle. But what is a handle without a tool except very expensive firewood. Next purchase a compatible grub hoe blade. I am now a Preferred Customer. $30 for the blade plus shipping. Financial side takes only one minute, this place not only has my E-mail but my date of birth.

I am now the proud owner of three complete grub hoes. I believe I lead Bloomfield Township, Oakland County and the State of Michigan in Grub Hoe collections. It would have been national but the guy in Chicago still has 5 to sell. My Internet adventure cost me over a hundred bucks to acquire some of the oldest technology on the face of the earth. And no one will every use” Grub Hoe” as a password. On the other hand I considered naming the Blog “Life is Two Shorts”, but I am sure that domain is already taken, probably a porn site.

The Modge