I never met Barney Cipriani, he was a neighbor of my parents before I could have a memory. Barney spent most of his life in a speedo. He was a daredevil high diver who first hit the pool at a Boys Club on Livernois in Detroit. I do not know if he ever got into the Olympics but he was on ABC Wide World of Sports. He was the US representative in a diving competition off the Cliffs of Acapulco. Some funky Sci/fi movie program always shows the Acapulco clip in a satirical bent but they did get his name right and that added to his immortality. Barney made a living as an entertainer, diving from 110 feet into pools at famous hotels in Vegas and Miami and places like the Steel Pier before Trump took over Atlantic City.
I believe most divers wear speedos as opposed to board shorts, they , I refer to speedos, have gone out of fashion with the general public, including most of my family and friends, but not with me. I inherited my first speedo from my uncle on his return from the Navy. They were not made of Lycra but wool, a bit more practical in the North Atlantic. I think a few moths had their way with that pair and beach wear in the 60’s and 70’s had degenerated to cut offs, which by the way are difficult to swim in and do not dry quickly. Additionally, they never protected your folding money from getting wadded up or that scrap of paper with the telephone number on it. That might be why I never called you.
In college they issued speedos at the swim class and no one seemed to object albeit I was a little more fit at the time. I also worked at a pool and a speedo was worn under those red life guard shorts. So maybe I am not so ripped, or never was, but speedos are still my preference around our pool at home. There is almost a cult of us who refuse to give up our speedos, even under great social pressure.
Like I said they are easy to swim in and dry quickly. Now if the criticism is that they are a little too revealing what ever happened to gender equality. Check out any beach or group of boaters and there is little to be left to the imagination regardless of the BMI of the fairer sex.
Now I almost got cured of the speedo thing on Fire Island in New York. I was helping a couple of lesbian relatives paint their cottage and was working off a hangover on the beach. I was approached by several men, Fire Island is a gay enclave, but as Seinfield said “Not that there is anything wrong with it”, but still it is not my cup of tea. In any event I retreated to the cottage for my morning recovery nap. Given the area, I could have been wearing cut offs or “board shorts” and had the same result from those trolling the beach .
Now apparently in Europe, South America and those imbedded scenes on the Baltic Sea, speedos are still popular at the beach. Yes some of those folks from the former Soviet Union had too much Vodka and Borscht or maybe they never thought it wise to butcher a pair of Levis, which were worth their weight in Rubles. But they parade around in their speedos without any social distain regardless of their girth or Vodka bellies. They must just be comfortable in their own skin, and board shorts never disguised a beer belly anyway.
I am keeping my speedos, I even bought a few after the Beijing Olympics with Chinese caricatures. I have relented to the desires of a few detractors and put on a pair of shorts after I dry off, but if I suck in it in enough I don’t think I look too bad in speedos. So world, I am comfortable in my own skin, even if there is a tiny bit too much of it. Get used to it, I am becoming an old fart and not going to change. As for Barney Cipriani , I don’t know if you are still with us, but I hope that at 110 feet your speedos were made out of Kevlar. Ouch that hurt!